time falls.

to be honest, it is like i am living someone else's life. and this new person is very certain about the things in her life. she is hungry for everything. she wants to learn and dance and smile and run and love like a child. she is full of energy. sometimes i can not follow her. i just sit and watch her doing everything i want to do. and i see myself adoring and hating her at the same time. she is so cruel and strong. she can do anything for her happiness. i love watching her forgetting her past. but deep inside i am still former me. when i sleep or when i listen to a song, everything comes back for a minute. at that moment i want to cry and hold a tree i know before. kissing his gentle fingers. sleeping under his branches. remembering the things once i had makes me sad. i want to cry so so bad. i want to see all those tears on my pillow. the pillow i am not using anymore. but i can't cry. i have no tears left. i forget to cry. it's like dying. my past and the dreams i had disappears. as if they never existed. i think i am dying but on the other hand if was not dying this way, i would die other way.